The Boy Who Followed Someone Else’s Dream
A bright young woman dropped by my office one day a few years ago. She was smart and educated and clever and fantastic. Which was wonderful because she was interviewing for a role. On my team! Working with me! And I love working with smart people.
The role was a finance and strategy role, and she had a wonderful background for exactly this type of job. Worked at a leading bank. Graduated from Harvard Business School. Clearly understood and could do the work.
But I wasn’t buying her very eloquently-expressed desire to join our team.
So I said:
“Hey, look, I do career advice for a living. You’re qualified, competent, and careful to express your enthusiasm for this role.
But your enthusiasm seems borrowed, and I’m guessing there’s something else that you’re just dying to do.
So when you put the kids to sleep, and you have a moment in your day, and it’s just you…
…and nobody’s around…
…what do you dream about doing?”
And she was passionate, she was engaging, she was alive!… alive in the way that only the fire can bring, and she inspired! — and I’m a guy that lives for inspiration!
But her passion wasn’t for my business — online recruitment — it was for something else. Maybe that something else could be considered a hobby, maybe it could be considered a small business, maybe it could be considered to be not quite so very prestigious as the other fancy names and pedigrees that popped like fireworks from her resume.
But it was passion and it was hers!
I loved it!
So I asked “Why don’t you go and do that? That’s what makes you passionate, that’s what makes you alive, that’s what makes you happy. Why don’t you go and do that and be amazing at it?”
And her answer comes rolling back, quieter now, eyes turned down, “Well, my parents and friends, and my colleagues and classmates don’t think it’s very impressive or prestigious and they think I should be doing something else with my time — something more valuable.”
And I asked her: “When have great things ever been accomplished by doing what other people wanted you to do?”
And you know, Readers, it’s true.
There’s no storybook about “The Boy Who Followed Somebody Else’s Dream”, no movie rights sold for the tale of “It Wasn’t Within My Purview To Consider Alternatives”, no Sinatra tune entitled “I Did It The Way My Critics Requested I Do It”.
All the songs, all the movies, all the books say the same damn thing about you and your dream for a reason — because it’s true!
You’ll be rocking in an old chair someday soon — far too soon — and your children will look at you and you’ll look at yourself, and you’re going to ask, and they’re going to ask… “why didn’t I go and do that?”
~~~
The years passed, and I checked back in with the bright young woman with the divine attitude and the deep inspiration. She wrote to me:
Marc,
I am writing to thank you for your guidance in helping me to find a place in the food industry. I recently accepted an offer to join a prominent New York restaurant company. Truly, this is a dream job, and I hope to do justice to the role!
It’s funny, through all these months, I kept repeating your question to myself, “What would you do if no one paid you? What do you actually do when you have that free moment in the day? What are you really passionate about?”
The answer became apparent quickly — I’m obsessed with food and food businesses — I spend all my time reading about food, writing about food, cooking, watching cooking shows, observing the smallest details in dining establishments and pondering about them, remembering details of everything I’ve ever eaten. Even though I couldn’t initially figure out how to find a job in the food industry without real experience and with having been out of the traditional workforce for a number of years, I found that people were willing to talk to me and were also kind enough to put me in touch with other people just based on the fact that I sounded passionate. Perhaps clueless, but definitely passionate.
The other question I asked myself after I accepted my new offer is if I would like to work at say, Coach or Limited Brands for double the money. The answer was a resounding NO.
I guess my choice is made!
I will stay in touch, and hope to have the opportunity to meet with you again in the near future. Thank you again for your support, guidance, and belief in me.
warmly,
“V”
I know it’s not a choice everybody can make, but I do believe it’s one everybody should:
Do what you love doing for other people.
You’ll be a better person — happier, more fulfilled, a better parent / child / friend / peer / boss.
And, in the end, you’ll make the right amount of money. Even if you’re in a low-paying industry that doesn’t attract a lot of great talent, you’ll find that your passion, skills, and capabilities lead you to the top, and beyond, more quickly.
Your pay rises to meet your passion and purpose.
In my experience — and I’ve been doing career advice for a decade and a half now — I’ve never met somebody who made the decision “V” made and regretted it. Perhaps they had become more sanguine about the trade-offs, or a bit more world-wise, but I can’t recall anybody ever telling me “I followed my passion at work and I regret it.”
And on the other hand, I’ve never met anybody who was happy they “did it for the money.” Pursuing a paybump over passion rarely leads you to your best work, and that shines through in promotions, plaudits, and personal satisfaction.
Now, within your field, and day-to-day, you’re going to have to do exciting work as well as boring work, so I’m not asserting that you can avoid the drudgery, the pain, and the hard work that come with passion. But what I am saying is that all of those efforts feel so much more fulfilling in pursuit of something you love.
“V” agrees.
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